What's in a name?

Today on my birthday, I ponder the age-old question: What’s in a name?

Witness the great care and consideration humans demonstrate when choosing names for their children in noble nom de guerres as Michael, Jacob, Ethan, William, and Daniel.

Names that command dignity and respect. Names of distinction, decorum, pride, and self-esteem. Names a child can be proud to wear while growing into adulthood whereupon they will abide the human commandment of “Be fruitful and multiply.”

Dogs, it should be noted, invented this commandment.

Indeed, the cycle of reproduction is a wondrous thing; it fosters the human desire for immortality by vicarious thrill through the lives of their children. Is it any wonder why humans select such dignified monikers for their offspring?

Never let it be said that humans are less thoughtful when naming their dogs.

Fido. Fluffy. Fifi. Booger. Bandit. Champ. Poopsie. Dinky.

Clearly, human beings are compassionate and sensitive creatures who glorify their dogs with names of equal esteem to that of their children.

Imagine, if you will, a mother’s pride in her newborn son Slobbers. Now amplify that touching moment as Little Fartsy and Beefeater scoot closer to gaze at their new sibling.

There is really no difference in a dam’s love for her litter as she suckles tiny Bill, Adam, Charles, and Bethany.

Truly, Shakespeare said it best: “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”